Over 165 thousand dollars. Over 17 years of my life. Over 400 different tattoo sessions by 75 different tattoo artists. Every extra dollar I had for 20 years of my life. This tattoo almost cost me my own life due to infections more than once.

Getting a tattoo like this is like a deal with the Devil. You give up your life for this project. It changes you into something different.

I have no idea of how much the tattooing cost. $65K is only a guess. It was probably more. These days, it would cost $150K. Tattoos are much more expensive now. I began paying $60 and hour, and never paid more than $100 an hour for any of my tattooing. It averages to about $80 an hour for most of my tattooing. 400 tattoo sessions is only a guess. It probably is more.

I spent $12K covering, and repairing $10K of Dennis + Gina Dwyer’s shitty tattooing. I was young, and went to a few bad tattoo artist early on. Dennis was such a burnt out talentless asshole, that his wife Gina tried to fix his work. She did an even worse job than him! All of their tattooing had to be redone.



My face has been tattooed 27 times. 5 of those times were by Xed LeHead-who I fired from the project for being a talentless asshole who did a shitty job tattooing me. 4 times were by Sailor Cam Cook. The rest were done by Mary Jane Haake.

This page is more about why I tattooed my face, and the struggle behind it.

The face tattoo was the last tattooing on my body. I worked as a chef in New Orleans for 11 years to pay for the rest of the body tattoo. I had an agreement with my prick of an ex-boss, that I would tattoo to the final touch-up level every other spot on my body. Then, I would leave, and tattoo the face.

 I was preparing to do just that when Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans. I had my appointment to get my face tattooed 36 hours after Katrina. This pissed off my ex-boss to no end. He always said he would fire me if I got my face tattooed, and right after Katrina, he tried to hire me back! I refused.

My replacement burned down the kitchen in a month. Ha! I went to London to begin my face tattooing and never looked back.

I have worked in half a dozen other restaurants, and businesses with no issue about my face tattooing.

If anything, my tattoos get me remembered in job interviews as a person who can finish what they start.



Here are some facts about my genital tattoos.

The checkers are rectangular, then turn checkered when I’m happy.

They turn rectangular the other direction when I’m extra happy.

It took 17 tattoo sessions to tattoo my genitals and asscrack over 4 years. I did the tattooing myself. Between each tattoo session, I dated a different woman! Had to “earn”my cock tattoo. Used to have the sections named after the girls.

The checkers are 3/4″ on the cock at rest, but they look bigger because the thigh checkers are 1″. The measurements are 4″ rectangular and bored. 7″ perfectly square checkers when happy. A little over that it turn rectangular [the other direction] when “xtra happy”. Pictures of this sequence will frighten the world forever. Someday your computer may get a virus from my penis.

In 2005, my 0ga. P.A.  circular barbell set off the metal detectors at Heathrow Airport. Everyone in London had just seen me for 3 straight days in the papers and on the BBC. I got through the place in a private escort and security lane in less than 30 minutes. Me and the other guards chased one of the cringing workers with me threatening to open my pants making a very public scene in front of everyone in the security area. I’m much more famous in London than in the USA. On Billboards and bus stop posters for years. All over Europe from 95′ to 2001. HUGE.

The outline of the original cock tattoo was destroyed by natural movements and regular friction. Light color lines now are blasted into the old outlines on the shaft. This has an illusion effect that can only be seen in person. My penis has a slight genetic natural curve to it. Very slight. Doing a straight line checker tattoo would not fit this.

-A multi-color new outline on the shaft made the tattoo fit and it made it look visibly more straight when happy. A girl could not see any curve, unless she felt it. Her eyes would see the “sparkly” color outline, and register it as straight. My penis has a moveable optical illusion when happy. Never a complaint. It looks extra “sparkly” when wet during sex as another nice added bonus. You barely see the light shaded color outlines that were redone in 98′. All the ink finally blended and aged over the years. The black got hit extra, but the color was done only once. Checkers are dark as fuck.

The scrotum tattoos took 4-6 layers of ink. My penis and balls are fully tattooed with a total of 40 checkers.  20 black checkers=20 white ones too. 4-6  layers of ink solid. Also lined with UV tattoo ink that shows on x-rays. The cock has 7 rows of horizontal checkers in 4 vertical rows. That is 28 checkers on the penis, and 12 on the entire scrotal sac. Now give this info to machinist to make an exact copy of my cock.

My asshole is tattooed solid lime green. The entire area between the rear of my scrotum is tattooed solid. Yes, I’m seamless! I walked so funny while healing.

The asshole tattoo goes internally 1/3″ my body. Hold breath, push out, tattoo the pink middle of the doughnut green, and let it retract inside. Then quietly cry to yourself in pain for 9 days of healing and a month of seasoning out. Ow. It had to season out..

Yes, I have a solid green tattooed Hemorrhoid. Yes I really do. Yes, it is there.The scrotal checkers stretch from 1/2″ when cold to about 2″ square in hot+humid weather. Did most of the scrotal tattoos during july and august in New Orleans 98′-2002′. The rear of the scrotum where it meets “runway” is the true “most painful spot to tattoo on the human body”. *I wore my GF’s silk panties when healing from scrotal tattoos because the wounds would not stick to silk. Still would rather wear a girlfriends panties than underwear. Actually, I do not wear any underwear and have not worn it since age 10. I’m freeballing…

Due to the mechanics of the tattoo, the cock is actually 5″ in diameter or more. It splits along my meatotomy that removed my P.A. piercing and scars, leaving it split on the bottom of the glans. The glans now open up  and spreads open like a butterfly.

The  first 1″ of my urethra is surgically split open and it opens up and gets wider when happy. Rubbing the inside of the head of my cock on a beautiful woman’s clitoris is just super fantastic.

The inside of my urethra had some tattooing that stuck for years. It has since almost vanished. Really surprised my doctor when he split my penis head open and found a couple of dot tattoos inside me via done my former 0ga.P.A. hole. By the way, the meatotomy goes along the checker outline. The meatotomy splits 2 checkers surgically along the outline of the tattoo.

I have had a vasectomy for 12 years. No kids ever. Usually not in a relationship, but popular anyways. Recently tested with no STD’s. Shaved genitals since age 16!

The vasectomy tattoo was done by having an explosive charge tattooed all around my pubic mound with a detonator and wires that went around the balls. The doctor drew the wires before the surgery, I tattooed them in. The doctor “defused the bomb” by surgically cutting the tattooed wires and disarming the bomb that is my genitals.



Yes, I tattooed my genitals. I tattooed my entire cock, balls, asscrack, and asshole.

Interviewing  female tattoo artists to do the genital tattoo proved fun privately, but I decided to do the tattoo myself. If I did a bad job, I could not fire myself, or hate myself.

It took 17 tattoo sessions to complete the genital tattoo. The tattooing was much easier doing it myself. I am very happy with the results. I fixed all of the messy bits of the original tattoo. The entire “underwear” area tattooing was self-done. It looks great. The tattooing turned out much more original since I was not directing another artist, I was doing the tattoo.

Yes, it hurt! Yes, I used all kinds of drugs. Pain pills. Legal, or illegal. Many people just gave me them free since it was a genital tattoo, and not recreational use. Skin numbing agents. Even sunburn %20 benzocaine spray helped with the pain. Tattooing bent over tattooing the asscrack with my heard between my legs by mirror was the most difficult thing I ever attempted.  At times, I used 3 chairs. 2 for each leg, and one for me. I operated the machine by foot, or kept it going. Used a mirror most of the time for the tattoo.  It was a good thing I was very thin, and had done yoga for 10 years. I could do the “splits” back then. Very flexible. It was the only way the tattoo could have been done.

The tattooing took 4 years. The 17 sessions were done seasonally. Winter for the scrotum, since they kept tight fromthe cold. Never heal nutsac tattoos in a hot and humid place. The stretching will be too painful. The rest of the tattoos were done in the summer, since the humidity in my pants kept the tattooing moist during healing. You tattoo your front in summer, and the rear in the winter. It is all about healing the tattooing. That is the most painful part.

The details of the gential tattoos can be found on the GENITAL INK FACTS next down the list of galleries.


  • I was born with a Birth Defect called Poland’s Syndrome. I am missing my left major pectoral, my left lower biceps, and my left kidney. It is caused by an interruption of the blood flow to the fetus in the 42nd day of incubation they believe. My mother was a Hemophiliac, and that was the cause.
  • My body has adapted to the defects. I am not very tall due to the birth defects, but the adapted muscles are incredibly strong. Other medical issues include a currently stabilized condition in my single kidney, a bladder mutation now repaired by several surgeries, back issues from the birth defect, and the usual aches of growing older with these birth defects. Medically, it is doubtful I will live to be a ripe old age.
  • Yes, I am in pain much of the time. Yes, I have a medical fund. Donations can be made via my email addy on the bottom of every page, and a paypal button will be installed very soon. Financially, my illness has killed me already. I will retire much younger, and die earlier, from my birth defects. Basically, I was born with a shorter life span.
  • Here is a link to the Poland’s syndrome website, and a description of Poland’s syndrome:
  • Named after Sir Alfred Poland, Poland’s Syndrome is described as an absence or underdevelopment of the chest muscle (pectoralis) on one side of the body and webbing of the fingers (cutaneous syndactyly) of the hand on the same side (ipsilateral hand). Sometimes referred to as “Poland anomaly,” it is a rare condition present at birth (congenital). For people born with Poland’s Syndrome, the breastbone portion (sternal) of the pectoralis is also missing.
  • The severity of Poland’s Syndrome differs from person to person and is often not diagnosed or reported. The incidence, therefore, is difficult to determine, but current estimates are between one in 10,000 to one in 100,000 births.
  • Poland’s Syndrome is three times more common in boys than girls, and affects the right side of the body twice as often as the left. The reasons for these differences are unknown, as is the cause.



Nothing. The tattoo is worth nothing! It is the most selfish thing I can do with with my life that I could do. That is why I liked it. The art is what I value about this project. Since I am the canvas, it is a selfish act.

I did not do this to impress you! Fuck that!  

I did not do this for attention, as most people think. I got this to not hate my body because of my birth defects, and health issues.